


Hunt me down

by hollstein_af



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, POV Second Person, Scientist AU, Some Fluff, Some angst, Vampire Hunter AU, but also a little heavy in places so please take care of yourselves, cheesy and dumb, not as light as my usual stuff but still a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 16:04:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6383260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollstein_af/pseuds/hollstein_af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura's waited her entire life to prove that vampires exist, what she didn't count on was falling in love with one. Her entire life is turned upside down as she has to give up the world view shes been clinging to for so long.</p><p>AKA Kind of vampire hunter scientist AU (VHS AU)</p><p> </p><p>(I had to post this again because the formatting went all weird??)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hunt me down

**Author's Note:**

> hey buddies, This is a thing I wrote. I'm sorry if it's bad.  
> at one point its going to seem like the story has come to an end but trust me thats just before it gets crazy. 
> 
> Laura's journal entries will be written in bold. they're probably not actually written in proper scientific format but I figure you most likely don't read fanfic for a lesson in science.
> 
> I didn't mean to write this really.
> 
> warnings  
> -mild violence  
> -drugging  
> -science experiments  
> -spying  
> -needles

 

You clutch the handle of your suitcase tightly, like a lifeline. 

This is the moment you've been working towards your entire career. Your entire life really. 

You've been studying vampires for years, obsessing even but this is the first time you've ever had the chance to see a real potential vampire. For most of your life people had called you crazy, friends, therapists even your own father, repeating over and over _there is no such thing as vampires._ People liked to chalk it up to trauma, something you fabricated to cope with witnessing your mother die but the fact remains; you _saw_ what killed her and it was not human.

You'd been in university when Dr Vordenburg first recruited you and that had been beginning of the rest of your life. He believed you, you finally had a chance to work studying the creatures most of the world denied existed. Which is what lead you to this point now, standing at an open oak door with a single suitcase staring into the eyes of a monster. 

She's looking at you in mild surprise and you clear your throat awkwardly. 

"Hi, you must be Carmilla. I'm Laura, your new roommate, I don't know if you got my email saying that I was coming toda-"

"I got it". 

She breaks eye contact and sweeps her gaze over you briefly, seemingly disinterested. 

She- or it, you mentally correct yourself, looks so human. You had been warned she would but nothing prepares you for the real thing. You're equal parts excited and terrified at the thought of living undercover with her, exposing her for what she is. 

She raises one immaculate eyebrow. 

"Well? Were you just planning to stand in the doorway all day?" She asks impatiently. 

You snap out of it, if you're going to fool her, your head needs to be 100% in the game. 

"Right! Yeah, I was just..." you trail off. 

The suitcase isn't very large but it is heavy, it contains everything you need to prove Carmilla's vampiric nature; cameras, thermometers, an observation journal. You Carefully shut the door behind you and drag the suitcase over to the side of the room you assume is yours. 

While you're making up your bed (which had been covered in Carmillas clothes) you sneak a glance at her, wanting to get a proper look. 

Shes sprawled out on her bed, reading some dusty old hardback and apparently not paying you the slightest bit of attention. 

She's beautiful, unsurprisingly, with dark hair thats been thrown up into a messy bun on the the top of her head. Her cheekbones are sharp and angular and her jawline could probably slice clean through diamond. It's her eyes that get you, they're dark and shiny, so... _alive._ It's a trick of course, she's not alive, she's not even a person, you push down your disgust, in order to catch her you have to get her guard down. You break out the friendly roommate act. 

"So, you're a philosophy major, right?" You ask with forced brightness. 

She doesn't even look up from her book. 

"If you already know the answer, then why bother asking the question cupcake?" she drawls. 

This is going to be harder than you thought. Your temper bubbles to the surface, you barely contain it. 

"I'm just trying to get to know you, I thought that might be a good place to start. I'm a getting my PHD in biology and I minored in journalism" That was technically true, although you'd graduated 3 years ago. 

Carmilla remains uninterested. 

"I'll never understand this generations ridiculous need to fill every silence". 

 _This generation._ She says that like she isn't a part of it.You feel yourself grow more hopeful, maybe she'll slip up and you'll have proof sooner than you thought. 

"Right then, I'll just-" You begin, only to find that she's put headphones on. 

You certainly have your work cut out for you. 

 

* * *

**Sep 8th 2015**

**DR Laura Hollis**

**Day 3**

**Observations:**

**It sleeps consistently during daylight hours, approx. 4 am - 4 pm.**

**No data on it's nighttime activities, it is always out (potentially for sinister reasons).**

**appears to enjoy alcohol.**

**Subject is anti social and dislikable, inconsistent with initial theory that the creatures use charm to their advantage.**

**Refers to sexual partners as "studybuddies".**

**No solid evidence of supernatural abilities.**

 

* * *

It's been a week since you moved in with Carmilla and you're exhausted. It's a struggle not to fall asleep in your office. Apparently not only is Carmilla a monster but also a plain terrible roommate. You had expected her to try to charm you or at least come across as a halfway decent person but she doesn't seem to care about what you think of her at all. 

She steals all of your very clearly marked food and even some of your clothes which makes you glad you'd hidden all of your surveillance equipment so thoroughly because apparently the phrase _personal boundaries_ means nothing to her. On top of that she's loud, rude and messy and you're pretty sure her ability to clog the shower drain with her hair could almost be classified as supernatural. She even had the nerve to laugh in your face when you finally exploded at her and called her a raging bad-person, though that hadn't been the first name that came to mind. 

You're in the middle of a particularly vivid daydream about capturing Carmilla and bringing her in to the institute when a quiet tap at your door brings you back to reality. 

Vordenburg shuffles into your office, wearing an indulgent smile as if you're his favourite niece rather than just his employee of 2 years. 

"Fraulein Hollis, so good to see you back in the office. My, my you look rather pale, is the creature giving you trouble?" He babbles. 

You sigh heavily. 

"Shes driving me crazy, but it's more just normal horrible roommate stuff then evil vampire stuff". 

Vordenburg raises his eyebrows at your use of the word _she._

"I read your latest journal entries and I hate to say it but I'm disappointed Fraulein. I thought you would have more proof by now". 

Your face feels hot and it's like you're a teenager who's just been scolded. 

"I'm trying but she won't cooperate! she doesn't show any sign of having the abilities of anything beyond a 23 year old philosophy major. I'm not even completely convinced she actually is-" Your rant is cut off. 

"That is enough! Given your history, I thought you more than anybody should know that just because there isn't evidence does not mean that it isn't true. You have seen first hand the damage these things are capable of and we cannot loose the only real vampire we have found just because it is difficult to live with!". 

You've never actually heard him loose his temper like that before. 

His expression changes back into simpering old man mode fast enough to give you whiplash. 

"You are a resourceful woman, all we need is a little bit of proof and I'm sure you can get that, can't you my dear? Otherwise how will you ever get people to believe you?" He says in a warm yet somehow dangerous tone. 

You nod slowly. He's right, you can't let yourself be thrown off by Carmillas attitude. You have something to prove to everybody, you can't live the rest of your life with people looking at you with concern as they quietly say _theres no such thing as vampires._

* * *

Despite your efforts Carmilla remains largely unresponsive to your attempts to get close to her. No matter how hard you try to break down her walls she just keeps building them higher. You're almost running out of hope when you finally make a breakthrough.

She's outside of your shared room and your ear is pressed to the wall as you hear a womans voice raised scathingly at her. You're hoping to catch something of importance but all you're getting is something about _grades_ and _majors_. Their conversation finishes abruptly and you scramble onto your bed and pick up the Jane Austen novel on your pillow, pretending to be deeply engrossed. Carmilla slams the door and throws herself onto her bed moodily, bringing her knees up to her chest in a way that makes her look strangely young. 

The way she curtains her face with her hair almost makes it seem like she's crying but you know that can't be right because everything you know tells you vampires aren't capable of emotion. Still when she sniffles so quietly you can barely hear her you know she must have some reason for keeping up the charade so you play along. 

"Everything ok?" you ask slowly. 

She looks at you, eyes slightly red and wet. You feel a flicker of doubt, is there even the slightest possibility she isn't pretending?

"Don't act like you care". 

You move across the room hesitantly and sit on your wheely desk chair. Biting your lip, you push yourself a little closer to her. 

"Did you wanna talk about it?". 

She scans your face suspiciously, like shes trying to detect insincerity. Apparently she decides that you're not mocking her because much to your surprise; she actually talks to you. 

"You wouldn't understand" she says shortly. 

"Try me". 

With a sigh she stands up and walks over the window restlessly, shes facing away from you when she begins to speak. 

"That was my mother" she says quietly "It appears I'm not fulfilling my obligations".

Unexpectedly you feel a twinge of empathy. Even though shes probably lying, this is something you can relate to.

"Ah, worried you aren't uh, living up to expectations, huh?". 

She looks at you uncertainly and in that split second you find yourself wishing that you were wrong about her, wishing that she wasn't a  vampire, just a girl with her defenses up. You force yourself to stay on track, shes still the enemy and you can't go doubting yourself now. 

You continue "My dad used to make me feel like that too". 

This is not a lie, your father hadn't handled your obsession with vampires well. You can't count the number of times he looked at you with almost pained disappointment. Needless to say you didn't really turn out the way he'd hoped. 

"Used to?" she asks. 

"Until I realised I deserve better than that. And despite your many annoying quality's, you deserve better too". 

You can't see her face but you notice her stiffen, just barely, at your words. 

When she turns around you can see the tiniest of shy smiles on her face. Her cheeks are so faintly pink that you could easily be imagining the soft blush there.  A weird twingey feeling is starting in your chest, probably anxiety. 

To put the nail in the proverbial coffin you roll your chair over to her with you paper bin and she puts the tissue shes been wiping her nose on into it. It's probably the first time she's smiled at you in a way that seems genuine. 

When you go to bed that night you have to remind yourself over and over again that you hate vampires. A tiny honest part of your brain knows that it's no longer entirely true. 

* * *

 

**Sep 17th 2015**

**DR Laura Hollis**

**day 14**

**Observations:**

**Subject appears to have the ability to blush, inconsistent with initial theory.**

**Subject may have the ability to manipulate bodily functions (eg. crying on demand), evidence inconclusive.**

**subject stole my yellow pillow, this implies nothing other than that subject is an inconsiderate roommate and I am annoyed.**

**Subject appears to enjoy chocolate and other human food, it is unclear whether this is out of necessity or to keep up appearances.**

**Subject appears to have a diet of little sustenance, much like a majority of college students.**

**no conclusive evidence to suggest supernatural abilities so far.**

 

* * *

 

Vordenburg is thrilled that you're making progress with Carmilla, although he's really pushing you somehow find out about her nightly activity. The most important thing, he tells you, is getting all supporting proof on film. Your next check in date isn't for another 2 weeks so you figure by then you'll have something more substantial to turn in. You're getting close, you can feel it. This is something you've waited almost 20 years for, you should be feeling more excited but uncertainty is clouding your thoughts. 

You stop by your co-worker Lafontaines lab when you're done for the day. They're excitedly swishing some kind of purple substance around in test tube. They push their lab goggles onto their bright red hair when they see you approaching. 

"Hey, L. Hows the roommate arrangement going?" they ask with a cheeky grin. 

You groan and flop down on a stool across the bench from them. 

"There have been a few minor set backs". 

Lafontaine has already gone back to squinting at their concoction. 

"Like?". 

"Honestly she's hard to live with. I'm making progress but I still have such a long way to go and she's giving me nothing! I have no evidence that stands up that theres anything unusual about her. She just seems like an admittedly very damaged human". 

Laf looks mildly surprised by your level of agitation. 

"Wow, chill. Do you really think Dr V would have sent you in there if he didn't have good reason to suspect that she was dangerous?". 

"No, of course not. It's just driving me crazy, living with somebody who's always pretending to be somebody they're not and knowing that she's pretending but having to play along". 

With a shrug Lafontaine picks up their test tube again. "It's kind of funny though, isn't it? That's exactly what we're doing to her". 

Your heart pangs. It's not the same thing, it's not. Carmilla doesn't have feelings, can't have feelings. She's being deceitful, you're just going undercover. You're only trying to  do the right thing. You don't even believe yourself anymore. 

To take your mind off things you ask about Lafs experiment. 

"We won't know if it works until you bring in the vamp but this little beauty-" they hold the purple liquid "-can replicate the vampire cells. Just think of all it's uses! It could be the cure to thousands of diseases. What I'm holding in my hands is basically liquid immortality!" they prattle with excitement. 

They reach into this small fridge on the next bench over and produce a pale green substance. 

"And this one permanently reverses the effects". 

You feel something uncomfortable in the back of your mind. 

"So that one would kill her-would kill a vampire?" you ask. 

Laf frowns.

"Theoretically it wouldn't kill a vampire, just strip it of its immortality. But we wouldn't use it on your specimen". 

"Why not?".

"There's no point in studying it if it turns human, she'd be useless to us". 

You're starting to get a little nauseous for some reason so you excuse yourself and head back home.

* * *

The first thing that really shakes up your world is a very small one. 

It's been a long day at work and you kind of just want to be alone and drop your act for the night so when Carmilla gets home you flop down on top of your bed and pretend to be asleep. You reason with yourself that you won't have to pretend long because she'll be going out for the night soon anyway. 

Theres the soft thudding sound of her dropping her clothes on the floor so she must be getting ready to leave. 

After a few moments, you recogonise the sound of her footsteps padding lightly across the floor but the strange thing is that they aren't moving towards the door like you'd excpected. 

You freeze at the sudden feeling of a warm blanket being carefully draped over you. Next thing you know she's switching off the lamp on your headboard and closing the door behind her gently so that it's almost silent. 

When you're sure she's gone you sit up in bed and turn the light back, it's such a small thing but its sent you reeling. According to everything you've ever learnt about vampires it doesn't make _sense._ All of your studies had said the same thing, a vampire is not capable of caring and yet you're seeing something entirely different. It contradicts everything you know and you're scared. It's not like that was just a part of her act, how could it be? she thought you were asleep. 

You pull nervously at the roots of your hair. You've never doubted that you were doing the right thing. Never until now. 

* * *

 

Despite your apparent crisis of faith, you set up the tiny cameras around your dorm room while Carmilla is at a lecture. By the time she returns the place is fully rigged and ready to catch her in the act. 

She very nearly catches you at it. You're in the middle of cheeking that the camera is feeding into your laptop when the door swings open. You shut down the window as fast as humanly possible. Thankfully you're pretty sure she didn't actually see anything. 

"You're jumpy" she notes, walking straight into the tiny kitchen area. 

"Yeah I was just- studying, you scared me". 

"mmhmmm" She hums. 

She seems amused but maybe not convinced. 

Somehow you had had the foresight to set up a decoy essay, which you quickly open. 

Carmilla saunters out of the kitchen holding your favourite TARDIS mug, which of course she didn't even ask to use. She leans over your shoulder, her hair tickling you distractingly and starts reading your decoy. 

Your face is burning, it's definitely not your best work but in your defense; you hadn't expected her to actually read it.  

She reaches the last page and makes a playful  _tsk_ ing sound. 

"Only one source?". 

"I haven't had the chance to add the rest in yet" you reply hotly. 

"I would hope so creampuff, If all your information comes from one place then you don't have any information at all". 

Everything from her tone to her body language has been flirtatious lately, the phrase _playing with your food_ comes to mind. 

Wordlessly she sets the TARDIS mug down in front of you before turning on her heel towards the door. The gesture is kind of sweet and makes your heart do that inconvenient thing where it starts fluttering like you're a teenager all over again. 

"Carmilla wait". 

She stops. 

"Uh, I was wondering if you could tell me where you go all night" You hadn't really planned this all the way through. 

She just smirks "I have to some of my secrets, otherwise I'll loose my air of mystery won't I?". 

Wow, she is really playing the flirtation hard. You can't help kind of enjoying it, against your better nature. Your body doesn't seem to have realised that it's not allowed to react to her, your heart is fluttering and you can feel a blush rising in your cheeks.

"Oh come on! you're really not going to tell me?". 

At that point it could go either way. Her expression is unreadable. 

"No, I'm really not going to tell you. But I could show you". 

It takes everything inside you not to get attached to her, not when you don't even know for sure that shes not playing you. Not when you're already so conflicted about something you've been certain of for more than a decade. You're confused enough without letting your _feelings_ come into the mix. Of course there's a part of you that wonders if its already to late. 

And you have to keep reminding yourself, _it's not real. It's not real. It's not real._

* * *

 This could very well be the night you're going to die, you tell yourself as you follow your vampire roommate into the night with no back-up and no plan. If it turns out that she isn't flirting with you,  she is almost certainly about to lure you to your death. You hate yourself for wishing some part of this were true. If she weren't a vampire and you weren't a vampire hunter...if she was just _her,_ you'd have been so excited about this, but instead of freaking out over whether or not she considers this a date, you're freaking out over whether or not you'll survive the night. 

She's wearing tight leather pants and black corset even though it's freezing, she just laughs off your suggestion that she wear something warmer. She looks ridiculously hot and you can't be blamed for all the staring you're doing. 

You walk side by side in silence to where ever she's taking you, you're trying not to let her know how nervous you are. It's not an uncomfortable quiet which is at least something, it's rare to find somebody that you can just share a space with without feeling the need to fill it with words. 

You're admittedly surprised to find that you're stopping at a dive bar, you had kind of been expecting something a little more sinister than that. 

"Well? you coming?" Carmilla draws your attention to the fact that you've been frozen, just staring at the door.

"Right, yeah of course" you say a casually as possible. "So this is where you've been going?". 

She shrugs "sometimes". 

She orders a bottle of champagne from a blonde bartender before guiding you to the far corner of the room. You're fairly certain she's not going to kill you in semi crowded dive bar so you try to relax a bit. 

"You wanna play darts?" Carmilla asks. 

"Uh, sure". 

She hands you several darts before aiming at the board a meter in front of her. Her aim is flawless and the dart flies straight into the middle of the target. 

Ok, now it's your turn. 

You don't want to confess that you've never actually done this before so you just try to imitate Carmilla's posture, how hard could it be? 

Apparently harder than you thought. You don't even hit the board and Carmilla is snickering behind you. 

"I was just warming up!" you say defensively, grabbing another dart. 

Second times the charm right?

This time it manages to hit the very edge of the board by a fraction of a centimeter. 

"Still warming up?"she asks innocently.

 Laughter bubbles out of you before you can help yourself. 

"Ok so I've never actually played before" you admit "my dad was a raging paranoid, he wouldn't let me within 5 meters of a dartboard". 

"Let me show you". 

She moves up behind you and places one of her hands on your shoulder, you inhale sharply, you hadn't expected her hand to be so warm. With her other hand she covers yours, which is closed around a dart. Your heart is pounding so heart it might as well be trying to escape your chest. She's never been this close to you before, you allow yourself to lean back into her just a little bit more than necessary. 

She guides your hand back with a gentleness you wouldn't have thought her capable of. You feel her breath against your ear. When your arm is finally in position she whispers against the shell of your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. 

"Now". 

The next thing you know, the dart is quivering in the center of the target and you're still partially in shock. 

Everything feels more confusing by the second, it just can't be possible that this girl, with her hands still on your shoulders and soft eyes looking into yours, is an act. It's just not possible. You know she's real, you _know_ it. The fact that it goes against everything that Vordenburg has ever said doesn't matter anymore because the connection you feel in this moment is too strong to be fake. 

 It would have been the perfect date, you know, if it were actually a date  and you weren't lying through your teeth to her. This goes so far beyond a forbidden love, if she knew who you were she would likely kill you. If Vordenburg knew you were having doubts, he would remove you. There is just no winning. 

You spend the rest of the night trying to re-establish boundaries in your head, convince yourself that you're there to study and expose her. It doesn't work, not even a little bit. 

Your attempts at prying information out of her for the rest of the night are half hearted at best and you give up half an hour into it. You just want one night where you feel like a normal person so instead of trying to get her to slip up about her family you get her talking about art and philosophy. Maybe you let yourself believe, just for tonight, that this is real. 

The walk back to your dorm takes longer than the walk there, you're both dragging your feet a bit. Maybe she wants it to last just a little longer too. 

Eventually it comes to an end and you find yourselves back in your room.

You trip over a bag that Carmilla had left in the doorway. For all the confusion she's causing you, the one thing you're sure of is that she's still an awful roommate. You try to move it while she's in the shower, only to find that it weighs about 3 times your weight and you can't even lift it.

* * *

When you end up pouring blood into your cereal instead of milk, you panic. Since Carmilla is always stealing your stuff you figure borrowing a little of her soy milk can't hurt. You were unfortunately wrong. 

This alone would be enough to bring her in to the institute, if you'd found this a couple of weeks ago you would have. But things are different now. 

You can't even bring yourself to write it down in your observation journal. 

You don't know which way is up anymore and you can't go making huge decisions when you're on such shaky ground. 

The best option you can think of is just tucking the soy milk container back into the fridge and pretending that you didn't see anything. 

At least that gives you time to think. 

* * *

 

**Oct 1st 2015**

**DR Laura Hollis**

**day 28**

**Observations:**

**Her skin is warm, inconsistent with initial theory.**

**she has abnormal strength, consistent with initial theory.**

**she is left handed, potentially irrelevant.**

**At a close proximity, she smells faintly metallic, consistent with prior theory.**

**possible indications of supernatural ability but nothing**   **inadmissible.**

* * *

 You shut your observation journal with a snap, probably more aggressively than strictly necessary. All this spying feels more and more wrong by the day, you've never been more conflicted about anything in your entire life. 

As you go over the hours of footage you'd recorded it becomes clear that there is a time-bomb ticking on your decision. You won't be able to hide what she is much longer, not with all this video proof of her doing the impossible. You have shots of her lifting things that nobody her size should be able to carry, drinking out of a carton you know to contain blood and even something that looks a lot like her setting fire to something. With her mind. You need to decide once and for all which side you're on. 

You sigh and rub your eyes, if you watch anymore of this tonight you'll loose your mind. You close it down and the decoy essay you wrote a few days ago is sitting in your line of vision. You're staring at it blankly when suddenly something Carmilla said comes crashing to the front of your mind. 

_If all your information comes from one place then you don't have any information at all._

It hits you like a bolt of lightning because you'd never thought about it before. 

Vordenburg is your _only_ source, the one single person who's told you everything you know about vampires but has never even met a real one. 

 _You don't have any information at all._  

All you've had to go by all these years has been one person's word and you're only now realising that it isn't enough. He's only one man, one man who could easily have everything wrong. 

What kind of a scientist would you be if kept studying Carmilla as if you already had all the answers? 

He's wrong about vampires, at the very least he's wrong about _her ._

Maybe up until now he's been you the only thing feeding you information but from here on out, you know more about vampires than he does and you'll form your own opinions. 

* * *

 It's been far too long since you took the time to sit back and enjoy a harry potter marathon, something which you decide must be remedied immediately.

You're tucked up in bed with your laptop resting on your knees and a mug of coco warming your hands. 

Carmilla emerges from the bathroom in tiny shorts and a tank top, freshly showered and no doubt leaving a blocked drain behind her. 

"You're still watching that?" she drawls. 

You nod vigourously. 

"I just finished the second one". 

"I bet you're one of those people that knows their hogwarts house, aren't you?" she teases. 

Your cheeks turn pink, there maybe some truth to that statement. 

"Hufflepuff" you mutter. 

She grins. 

"I knew it". 

Theres a moment of quiet where you just look at each other. 

"Did you want to join me?", 

You're nervous, but not for the same reasons you used to be. Despite everything you can't help but trust her, against all reason. 

You make room for her and pat the space next to you. 

She rolls her eyes but the tiny smile lighting up her face gives her away and she gracefully climbs in next to you. 

It's a small bed and your thighs are pressing against Carmilla's. You try to discretely wriggle even closer, enjoying the warmth radiating off of her body. The laptop is balanced half on her lap and half on yours.

Carmilla looks down at the mug of coco in your hand with raised eyebrows. 

"I hope you were planning on sharing that, cutie". 

You pass her the mug and takes a long sip before passing it back to you. 

"Are you planning to talk through this entire movie?" You whisper. 

It turns out that was _exactly_ what she planned on doing. She managed to keep up scathing commentary throughout the next 2 films. You pretend to be a lot more annoyed than you actually are, really you just like spending time with her. 

You look over to find that shes smiling at you, with her nose wrinkled. 

"What?" you ask, smiling back. 

"You have coco on your face. By your mouth-" You try to brush it off with your fingers"Other side-, lower-, let me get it" she tries to guide you to the spot but it's easier said than done. 

Her hand reaches out and her thumb brushes lightly over your top lip while she gazes intensely at your mouth. She clears her throat and retracts her hand. Warmth blooms from the point she touched. 

"Uh, thanks". 

It's then that you know you can't keep spying on her, can't keep treating her like your own personal science experiment. Not now that you know she's so much more than that. 

* * *

**Oct 8th 2015**

**DR Laura Hollis**

**day 34**

**Observations discontinued for personal reasons.**

* * *

 

You're afraid Vordenburg might literally die when you hand in your last journal entry. He'd been so pleased with your progress up until now, the disappointment might just stop his heart. 

You're sitting across from him at his large wooden desk watching his face turn from an expression of surprise to horror. 

"You can't stop now, Fraulein! not when we _this_ close to catching it and exposing it to the world" he exclaims. 

"We were wrong about them, I know it sounds crazy or stupid or whatever but I've lived with one-". 

"Don't be so naive! It has played you like a harp. I thought you could handle it, clearly I over estimated you Dr Hollis" He's trying to give you the disappointed grandfather routine but it's not working on you this time. 

"You haven't even met _her_ , she's a person, just like us. Maybe not a human, but still a person. We can't just treat her like some kind of lab rat". 

"It is a _monster_ , it doesn't have feelings" His voice is low and more aggressive than usual. 

"I'm not bringing her in". 

"If you do not help this institute then I will have no choice but to fire you. What will you do then? when you are separated from the only people in the world who believe you?". 

You grimace as you think of your father with his voice soft as if he were speaking to a dying person, _Laura, theres no such thing as vampires._

"Then I guess you'll have to fire me". 

"If you leave now you will not be welcomed back. I'd think over this very carefully if I were you". 

You stand up, unclip your security key and push it across the desk. You turn and walk towards the door without looking back once, it feels like the end. And the beginning. 

Maybe freedom was what you needed all along. 

* * *

The next week involves a lot of stress baking. You'd just lost you're job, the world as you knew it had turned upside down and you are constantly lying to the one person you really wanted to talk to. All things considered, you feel that if you want to eat 14 brownies, you earned it. 

And thats how you end up spending an entire night baking brownies.

Carmilla gets in a midnight, looking mildly concerned to find you still up and whisking what would be your 4th batch of the night. 

"Uh Laura, is there something you want to talk about?". 

"I lost my job. I don't want to talk about it, I just want to finish the brownies". 

Carmilla shrugs and helps herself to one. She lounges against the counter in a way that's reminiscent of a cat.

"Well if there's free brownies involved then I'm not complaining". 

You slide the last batch into oven and wipe your brow. 

You stick the wooden mixing spoon into your mouth and lick off the batter with a contented groan. Carmilla watches you with wide eye's. 

"What is it with you and getting chocolate on your face? I swear you are a toddler" Carmilla says, her tone laced with affection. 

You don't even attempt to clean it off yourself this time, mostly because you want her to touch your face again. Your eyes flutter closed when she does. They open again when you realise that her hand isn't cleaning the chocolate off the corner of your mouth, it's cupping your cheek. 

She keeps her eyes locked on yours as she leans in and your stomach swoops in anticipation. 

Her lips brush over yours for only a few seconds before she pulls back but its enough spark up something huge inside you. You lunge forward, wraping your arms loosely around her neck and kissing her almost frantically. It's like something is sliding into place and you can't get enough. Her hands feel hot on your waist as she pulls you even closer. She presses you into the counter and you let out a small whine at the feeling of her hips pinning you there. As you slide your tongue into her mouth you feel the sharp tips of her usually blunt teeth. She freezes and pulls away abruptly, looking almost fearful. 

"Everybody kept telling me that vampires don't exist" You say softly, almost reverent. "I never believed them". 

It's not the time or place to tell her that particular story so you just stroke her cheekbone with your thumb. Theres so much concentrated affection pouring out of her eyes you can't help leaning in again, slower this time but steadily increasing in heat.

You end up making out until the oven timer goes off, making you leap back in alarm. You notice that the flour from your apron has rubbed off onto her black tshirt and you can't stop laughing, she looks significantly less punk rock when covered in flour.

* * *

"Carm that tickles!". 

Her nose is nudging the point where your jaw meets your ear, which happens to be your most ticklish spot. Carmilla, having been dating you for the past 3 weeks, knows this all to well. 

She's curled up next to you "watching" agent carter, although to be honest her version of watching was basically criticizing every aspect of the show until she got bored and started kissing along your jaw. 

You squirm and try to hold back your laughter until her lips move on, trailing further down your neck. 

Maybe agent carter can wait until tomorrow. You give in and switch your laptop off. 

She raises her eye brows, giving you a look that drips innocence. 

"Why did you turn that off?" she asks, as if she doesn't know. 

"Oh I don't know, Maybe there was something distracting happening right next to me". 

You stretch your neck to give her mouth more access. 

"Mmm, I wonder what that could have been". 

You grin and you climb on top of her, guiding her lips to meet yours. 

"I'm sure you'll figure it out" you mumble against her mouth before gently pushing her back onto the mattress. 

You still have a lot you need to tell her, a lot of hard truths that you don't want to say out loud but she needs know. Not tonight though, the two of you deserve one normal night together. 

* * *

That one night somehow turns into one month and yeah, you're really not looking forward to having that conversation. How do you even begin to tell your new girlfriend that you used to spy on her for science because you were brainwashed into believing that she was a soulless demon?

It's especially hard because things are _so good._ You don't want to be the one to pop the bubble and officially end the honeymoon period.

In the end you don't even have to bring it up, it comes out all on its on, in the worst way imaginable. 

You're laying with your head on her stomach and your eyes closed, she's running her fingers through your hair as she reads. This has to be the most relaxed you've felt in years. 

You reach up and take one of her hands from your hair, you pull it down to your face and press a kiss into the back it, enjoying the smoothness of her skin against your lips. 

The soft sigh of contentment she makes brings a lazy smile to your face. You pick up a book that's been waiting for you. 

"Hey Carm". 

She hums in acknowledgment. 

"Can you pass me my reading glasses?". 

She looks around, frowning. 

"They're not here, I think you left them in your half of the room". 

You lift your head so that she can stand. She stretches before walking over to your bed and searching for them. 

The sudden quiet that comes next is your first indication that something is wrong. 

"Laura, what is this?" Her voice is edged with suspicion. 

Your blood runs cold and you sit up quickly. 

She's holding your observation journal. 

"Carm, wait-"

You're too late, she's already flicking through the pages, a look of betrayal etched into her features. 

 "You're spying on me?" You don't think you've ever heard her sound more hurt. 

"No! I mean- I was but I'm not anymore" You reach out to grab her wrist but she yanks it away. "Please, I can explain everything". 

She whips around. 

"Fine, then explain! explain why you've been lying to my face since I met you Laura! god, is your name actually Laura?". 

You gulp. 

"Yes, my name is actually Laura and you have every right to be angry and never forgive me but _please_ , hear me out first" your voice cracks mid plea. 

She looks angrier than ever but she still sits on the bed on the opposite side of the room, 

"Then  _explain"._

 You swallow before beginning. 

"When I was 8 years old,  I saw my mother get killed. When I told the police it was a vampire that killed her they assumed I was just traumatized so they had my dad put me in therapy. They told me over and over again that it wasn't real, they treated me like I was crazy but I _knew_ what I saw. It would have been so much easier to give up, just lie and tell everybody that they were right _there is no such thing as vampires_ but I couldn't. I had to find out the truth, to make sure everybody knew I wasn't crazy.-"

A small flicker of sympathy plays across Carmilla's face. 

"I was completely alone, until I met Dr Vordenburg. He'd read my story and he was the first person to _believe me._ Turns out he'd been researching vampires his entire life and I wanted to know everything. He told me that vampires were incapable of feeling, they were just ruthless, cunning killers and I believed him. Of course I believed him, I had nobody else to listen to, he was my only source. And then they found you. I begged them to let me be the one to go undercover and bring you in, I was so desperate to prove myself. They couldn't bring you in without significant evidence that you were dangerous and it was my job to collect that but I didn't know you then". 

She looks so uncertain, you want to cry but you need to finish your story. 

"And then I met you and you sent my whole life spiraling" even with the seriousness of the situation you can't help a tiny smile. "At first I tried to keep believing that you were this soulless monster, but I could just _feel_ that you weren't. I tried to deny it so hard but I couldn't because I could just feel that you were real. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I have a habit of avoiding difficult conversations. You have to believe me, I don't work for them anymore". 

"How am I ever supposed to trust you again? why should I believe anything you say?" 

You cross the room to her, taking the book out of her hand and flipping it to the last page, dated over 2 months ago: 

**Oct 8th 2015**

**DR Laura Hollis**

**day 34**

**Observations discontinued for personal reasons.**

"Because I love you". 

She looks up to meet your eyes, her expression is guarded, which hurts but also a little hopeful. 

"I-" She's cut off by a loud knock at the door. 

It's insistent, almost like they're trying to break down the door.  

You both stand nervously as the knocking gets even louder. 

**CRACK**

The door splinters off it's hinges and standing in the wreckage is Vordenburg, surrounded by a group of large and ridiculously muscled people. 

"We're here for the vampire" he announces

You push yourself in front of her, trying to shield her body with yours. 

"I can't let you do that". 

You kick and punch as one of Vordenburgs henchmen lifts you away as if you're made of paper. 

"Now, now Dr Hollis, there's no need for all of this" Vordenburg says impatiently. 

You struggle to escape your captors but they cuff your hands behind your back. 

Carmillas being held by 3 huge men, her hands and feet are being bound with silver and you're completely helpless to do anything about it. 

"This is your last chance Fraulein, if you are not with us then you are against us and I would be sad to have to kill my favourite student, so what will it be?". 

"With you" you choke out. 

Vordenburg smiles smugly. "Now that's what I thought you'd say. Now come along, we are about to become famous all over the world. No time for dilly dallying". 

* * *

 

They don't uncuff you until you're inside Vordenburgs office. They drag Carmilla off in the opposite direction. Tears roll silently down your face as you watch her disappear into a locked room at the ended of a darkened corridor. Your hands are still restrained so you dry your eyes awkwardly on your shoulders. You can't let them see how much you care about her, they wouldn't hesitate to use it against you. 

 _You_ did this to her. 

 You sit opposite Vordenburg and you've never felt hatred this strong before. Every instinct you have is telling you to scream at him, throw something at him, break him. But you have to be smarter than that. If you and Carmilla are both going to get out of this alive, you have to be smarter. 

"Would you like a cup of tea, my dear?" He's acting like this is just another visit. 

You can't speak so you just nod, you're not sure you trust yourself to control your tongue just yet.

While you're waiting for the kettle to boil you start formulating a plan. 

He gives you a look of false sympathy, shaking his head slightly. He uses a small silver key to click open the locks around your wrists . You don't touch the mug of tea he sets down in front of you. 

"I warned you about this you know, that the creature would manipulate you" He sighs regretfully. 

The urge to slap him is overwhelming but you force yourself to stay calm. 

"It didn't" The words feel like acid, burning your throat. 

Vordenburg furrows his brow, frowning at you suspiciously. He doesn't believe you. 

"What do you mean child, I think your behaviour would suggest that it has". 

"I would never have let it manipulate me. I just wanted you to think that it had" You lie quickly. 

"I'm not sure I understand". 

"When it started to become obvious that Car- That _it_ was the real deal, I got greedy. I didn't want to share the credit. After being called crazy most of my life, I wanted to be the one to prove them all wrong. Just me". 

He still doesn't look 100% convinced so you drive the point in further. 

"But you won. It'll be your name in the history books, not mine. So now I want to propose a new deal".

You can tell appealing to his ego is working. As long as he thinks he has all the power, you are in control. 

"And what might that be?" The self satisfaction in this voice makes you physically sick. 

"You give me a job working on the project. I'll take any job, I just want to be involved". 

He considers you, clearly drawing it out for his own enjoyment. 

"And what would I get out of this deal?". 

"I've lived with the subject. I have more first hand knowledge about how these things operate than anybody in this building, anybody in the world maybe. All of that information could be incredibly useful".

 He draws it out longer. 

"You understand of course that you could not be allowed to have direct contact with the creature? But I suppose we could find a space for you as a research assistant". 

You both know that you're over qualified for that and you think he takes pleasure in having the power to make you do a job that would never satisfy you. What he doesn't know is that you don't give a shit right now, he could have offered you a job scrubbing toilets for all you care.

"Thank you!". 

You leap to your feet and throw your arms around him. He makes a noise of surprise but pats you on the back nonetheless. You only hug him for as long as it takes unclip his security key. As you draw back you take a second to watch as his eyes fill with confusion before you punch him in the throat. Hard.

He flies back almost comically, clutching at his throat and making choking noises. You're halfway out the door by the time he hits the ground. 

You dash down the hallway, running until you reach the familiar door of Lafontaines lab. 

They look up, startled when you burst in. 

"Laura? What are you-?". 

"There's no time! I need you to call the police". 

"The police? Laura whats-?". 

"Do you trust me?" you ask hurriedly 

 "I-, yeah, of course but are you going-". 

You'll have to apologize for continually interrupting them later. 

"I can explain everything later, I promise! please just call, tell them that Vordenburg has kidnapped a woman. Tell them he's crazy, that he thinks shes a vampire". 

"she is a vampire!". 

"I know! Please-". 

"Ok, ok. I'm calling!". 

You snatch something off their work bench and run, calling over your shoulder. 

"Thank you, I'm sorry!". 

With that you race back out into the corridor. 

* * *

You have to try 6 doors before you finally find the lab they're keeping Carmilla in.

With a soft bleeping sound your key card (or more accurately, Vordenburgs key card) unlocks the door and you slip into the lab. 

There's a cylindrical glass tank in the center of the room like a display case. Carmilla is curled up on the floor inside it and you don't think you've ever seen her look quite so small. 

She raises her head slightly when the door snaps shut. As you get closer she squints at you with unfocused eyes, you're not sure what they've given her. 

"Laura?" Her voice is so small it makes you eyes fill with tears. 

She looks so scared. 

"Ssshhh, I'm here. We're going to get you out of here" you promise. 

She presses one of her hands against the glass and you cover it with yours, wishing you could feel her intead of the cold glass wall. 

You scan the tank carefully, looking for the exit. With a rush of relief you spot it, a small flickering red light next to a card reader. You slip in the key card and the tank opens. 

Carmilla blinks in confusion, still apparently drowsy. She tries to stand but ends up fumbling over herself like some kind of baby animal that hasn't learnt to walk yet. 

"Laura, I can't- I can't" she says desperately. 

She tries again but fails, looking so incredibly helpless. 

You step forwards and pull her out of the tank, wrapping her arm around your neck and holding her upright. 

"It's ok, I've got you. You're gonna be alright.". 

She lifts her head and kisses you desperately, clumsily. You let out a small sob against her lips when you feel how much shes shaking. 

"Carm, we have to go now". 

You guide her towards the door on her staggering legs, you're worried you may have to carry her. 

But the door swings open before you even reach it. 

"Not so fast". 

Vordenburg is standing there, surrounded by 4 guards and blocking the door. 

You back away, dragging Carmilla back with you. 

"Did you really think you would get away with this? you foolish girl". 

You slip your hand into your pocket, your fingers close around the cool glass syringe you'd taken from Lafontaine's lab. Your ultimate back-up plan, you hadn't wanted it to come to this. You pull it out threateningly.

"Don't come any closer!".

He freezes. His eyes widen, he obviously recognizes the pale green solution.

You hold the needle close to Carmilla's neck, trying to wordlessly reassure her that you're bluffing but she appears to be struggling to even remain conscious. 

"Let's not do anything rash now! She is useless to both of us a human, you don't want to ruin our only sample" Vordenburg tries to reason with you.

"If you take one step closer I'll do it". 

He takes a small, cautious step anyway. 

"You won't do that. You and me, we're the same. Both of us have gone through life ridiculed and mocked. We have the need to prove ourselves, to find answers. You wouldn't let your mothers death go unsolved, because that isn't what a heroine would do" He's playing every card he has  "turn her over to me, and together you and I will prove to everybody who has ever doubted us that we are not the crazy ones". 

You lock eyes with Carmilla, who looks seconds away from passing out. A split second passes before she whispers 2 words that change everything. 

"Do it". 

You hesitate for a moment after she gives her consent before you jab the needle into her neck. 

She lets out a pained whimper and you hold her as she collapses in your arms. You don't look back at Vordenburg until you're sure you can feel her heartbeat. It's faint but still going. 

"No!" Vordenburg shouts."You stupid child, you have ruined everything we've both worked for all these years!". 

You don't care, You don't care that you ruined his life. You don't even care that you might never get another chance to prove yourself. _You_ know you're not crazy and for once in your life, that's enough. All that matters right now is the fact that you and Carmilla are both alive 

* * *

Carmilla doesn't recover immediately. For the next few weeks you can't leave her side and it takes a month before she stops jumping every time the there's a knock at the door. On top of the emotional side of things, there's also the fact that she has to learn how to be human all over again.

You keep having to remind her that she actually needs to eat to live now and getting her sleep schedule back on track is a whole other nightmare. 

You move out of the dorm room together, since you'd already graduated university and it feels a lot like you've both outgrown the small space you'd been sharing. 

Carmilla is preparing to lift an enormous box into the back of your car when you find her.

"Uh Carm, why don't you let me help you with that?". 

She kisses your cheek. 

"I'm sure I can handle it" she says with a slight smirk. 

It turns out she can't. After heaving and shoving for several minutes and going entirely red in the face, she admits defeat. She doesn't really know her own limits anymore since she lost her super strength. 

Looking kind of lost, she leans against the car to catch her breath. 

You give her a minute to rest then nudge her with your arm. 

"Can you help me?" You ask, gesturing to the box. 

It's still heavy but working together you manage to hoist the box into the car with only a couple of near disasters. She's quiet afterwards, you know that it's a lot to get used to. 

You sit down on the curb next to her.

"You ok?". 

She nods. 

"I can't do that anymore" she says softly. 

"What? lift heavy things?". 

"yes". 

"You mean you can't do it _by yourself_ anymore, but you don't have to. I know it's a lot to get used but I'm always going to be here to hold the other side of the box and I'm not going anywhere. That being said, you're obviously allowed to feel-".

"I love you too" she cuts off your rant.

You give her a confused smile.

"What?".

"Before everything happened a month ago, you said I love you and I didn't get a chance to say it back". 

"Well in that case I love you too too". 

 She grins and you give her a quick kiss before standing up and offering a hand to pull her to her feet. 

"Now, we really have to finish with these boxes". 

* * *

Thanks to Lafontaine, Vordenburg was arrested on the same night he kidnapped Carmilla and eventually ends up in jail. 

He's charged with kidnapping and conducting illegal experiments. You're called in to testify against him. 

It's nerve-wracking standing in front of the full court to give your testimony but when the time comes you're ready.

You speak calmly, firmly and with not an ounce of regret. "Theres no such things as vampires".  

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna chat about this fic (or any other fics) or have any questions or just to talk in general my tumblr is waltzingin1698
> 
>  
> 
> so about this time 2 weeks ago i was pretty much like "oh no everything i write is terrible i'm never going to write again" and i fully intended to stick with that but then yesterday i was having some anxiety issues so i just started writing and this came out.


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